Anniversary messages that don't sound like a card shop

"Happy anniversary, love you" is a perfectly good text. It is also the one they got last year, and the year before that.

An anniversary is the one day a year you are allowed to be sentimental out loud. Here is how to do it without sounding like the inside of a card.

Swap the milestone for a moment

"Ten years" is a number. "Ten years since you got us lost looking for that restaurant and we ate chips on a wall instead" is your ten years. Pick one moment from the time you have had together. It does more work than any adjective.

Notice something from this year

Old memories are easy. The better line is about now: something they did in the last twelve months that you have not said anything about.

• The way they handled their dad's operation.
• That they still make you a coffee when they only have time for their own.
• That they learned to cook properly because you were tired.

For your partner

Examples to change, not copy:

A year ago I would have said I loved you. Now I can tell you why, and the list is longer than I expected.

Thank you for still laughing at the same three jokes. I know it is a choice.

My favourite day this year was an ordinary Tuesday. You, the sofa, and the dog pretending to be asleep.

For your parents

Parents' anniversaries are the ones people forget to write anything for. A line that shows you have noticed them as a couple, and not only as your parents, goes a long way.

Forty years, and you still hold hands in the car park. We noticed.

Thank you for showing us what arguing about the dishwasher and loving each other look like at the same time.

For friends who are married

You two are the couple everybody quietly measures themselves against. Sorry about that.

Happy anniversary to the only people who have ever made a sofa bed feel like a hotel.

A few to avoid

• "Another year of putting up with me." Fine once. Not every year.
• "Soulmate", unless you really do talk like that at home.
• Comparing them to other couples, even kindly.

Don't wait a year

Most of what makes an anniversary message good happens on a Tuesday in February, and by the anniversary you have forgotten it. tbf is an iPhone app, coming soon, for writing that Tuesday down while it is fresh. You write a short note to your partner when something reminds you, and they keep what you wrote. By the anniversary there is a year of them.